Be Still. {Our Infertility Story Part 2}


If you or someone you know is battling fertility, visit www.resolve.org to learn more.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!


This is my fertility story.
You can read Part 1 here >> {Part 1: The Call}

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It was late spring of 2013 and the buzz of classroom placements for the 2013-14 school year were filling the halls around campus. I had looped from 1st to 2nd that year and my principal was entertaining the idea of me looping with my littles to 3rd. I knew I had to tell him why that wasn't an option. I needed to remove stress from my life, not add to it if we were to have any chance of having a baby. 

I had decided to stay in 2nd grade and school wide tentative positions were posted on the work room wall like Broadway callbacks when I noticed an open position at the bottom of the page. 

ART.

Our school hadn't had art on the specials wheel in quite a few years. It caught my attention and I went home that night with a heavy heart as I told hubs about the opening. I loved my team. I mean LOVED my 2nd grade team ya'll. I didn't want to leave them but I knew I needed to step back from the stress of team leader, data meetings, parents, merit pay, educational politics, new curriculum, and all the extras that teachers do day in and day out for their students.
Ya'll know what I mean! 

After nearly a week of conversations and back and forth with my principal, he had agreed to let me start up the art program at our school. After all, painting relaxed me and I could leave work at work for the first time since I had begun teaching. It was perfect and I finished out the year knowing that I had made the right choice.

I was coming out of the classroom so I could focus my energy on starting a family. 

Soon it was summer and there was no baby in sight. Although, the medication had helped me drop about 10 pounds, it was also causing me to lose handfuls of hair on a daily basis. I knew I had to take the good with the bad but I was getting impatient. 

Why weren't we pregnant yet?

More tests followed with each passing month.

They put dye through my Fallopian tubes to check for blockages.

They found and removed a small polyp from my uterus.

They ran mountains of blood work.

Still, no baby.

Fall came and I began teaching art. It was chaotic as any first year position is. I had no idea what I was doing and Pinterest was my go to curriculum. I just wanted to survive the year, get pregnant and go on maternity leave. My priorities and focus had become narrowed and the pressure I put on myself each month was growing. Work was work and life was life and for the first time, I found myself less consumed with school and more consumed with life. 

August brought a new game plan. Our doctor wanted to try an additional medication. A follicle steroid of sorts. The Metformin was working but just not good enough on it's own. So began the date and cycle tracking. I was to take this new medication for the first 3-7 days of my cycle each month. This was going to boost the growth of my follicles so they would mature into eggs that my body could ovulate. In order for the doctor to know if the boost was working, we began monthly "ovary check" ultrasounds where my eggs would be measured and we would go home with a three day window of when that egg would be ready to drop based on it's size. 

We did this each month from August until November. Still no baby. I felt defeated. I found myself begging God to just fix me- to bless us with a baby- to make it all go away. And His whisper back was always the same... Be still, Kimberly. 

Be still.


I was trying.

The next step was to add on monthly at home "trigger shots" to our current course of action. I'm not a fan of needles and hubs is not a fan of administering shots so we decided to really consider how far we wanted to take this journey.

We thought a lot about the next step...

We decided to try the trigger shot to force ovulation. We needed to start daily ultrasounds so they could measure my eggs and improve our timing.
This went on for two months... still not pregnant and the monthly costs were growing quickly.
It had nearly been a year since that first phone call.

A year.
A year of tests.
A year of procedures.
A year of disappointments.
A year of medications.
A year of appointments.
A year of phone calls.

 I remember our doctor giving us an out. We sat across the the desk from him as he explained that most couples throw in the towel after a year of medical intervention but he felt confident that he would figure this out. He was determined to solve the puzzle.

Here I was, 28, taking multiple medications, scheduling daily ultrasounds and getting stuck with a  needle each month only to see that our efforts resulted in only one pink line on a stick. That's when I reached what I thought was "my limit". I remember laying in bed and asking How much longer do we try? I didn't want to give up, but Lord knows I didn't want to keep going either. I was an emotional mess, which I desperately wanted to blame on the medication, but the truth is- the journey was changing me. 

Be still, Kimberly.

That night, laying in bed, we decided that we would do one more round with the trigger shot and if it didn't work we would explore our options with adoption. 

I felt better knowing there was a light at the end of the tunnel and within a few weeks we were scheduled to  begin adoption orientation classes while undergoing what I thought was our last round of infertility treatment. 

1 comment

  1. I've been through all of this, too. It is heart breaking in every aspect of life. We even adopted embryos through a Christian program headed by Dr. Jeffrey Keenan in Knoxville, TN and did in vitro. I ended up having a miscarriage and we went on to do foster care and adopt. My prayers are with you. I have plodded through all of the steps you are plodding through now.

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