The Final Test {Our Infertility Story Part 3}

If you or someone you know if battling fertility, visit www.resolve.org to learn more.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

This is my fertility story.

You can read Part 1 here >> {Part 1: The Call}
You can read Part 2 here>> {Part 2: Be Still.}

***
It was February of 2014 and we had begun our journey just over a year prior. We began adoption classes through our state foster care program and I had come to peace with the failed infertility treatments. For the first time in months, I felt like I could breathe. I was in control of how we would be growing our family and for this type A girl, that felt good.

We made a final consult with our doctor to let him know that we wouldn't be continuing any further. I was exhausted, my pharmacist knew me by name and our treatments had reeked havoc on our savings account. Our doctor wasn't quite as quick to throw in the towel. Because our case was so interesting to him, he offered to give us one round of Inter-uterine Insemination (IUI) half off if we were willing to give it one last shot.

We decided to try this "Hail Mary".
We knew we only had a 20% chance of success on the high side.
At half-price, it was the only way we could ever afford it and it really would be our last ditch effort.


Before the procedure, I would have to have one more ultrasound to see just how many eggs were viable. Unfortunately, there weren't any eggs on the screen- only a large ovarian cyst the size of a small orange. I was beyond frustrated as I watched the nurse take measurements and explain that the cyst was a side effect of the medications and that treatment would be a month of birth control pills. Her voice sounded like a distant blur as she talked.
Like Charlie Brown's mom.

I cried on that table.
Another set back.
Another disappointment.

I completed the birth control and we waited until March to get the green light for the IUI. I began the month with the regular medications, cycle tracking, daily ultrasounds and then the trigger shot.
I was scheduled to get the IUI procedure near the end of the month.

As I laid there in a little room, staring up at the ceiling tile decorated with fish, I couldn't help but pray that this would be the day that would end one chapter and start a new journey in our lives. The procedure was fairly painless and after 15 minutes, I was walking out hopeful.

I was scheduled to take a pregnancy test 14 days after the IUI.
I waited 17 days, just in case.
It was a Friday afternoon and there was only one pink line.

I was done.
Over. it.

I had thought for sure the IUI was going to work and yet I was staring at a single pink line for what felt like the hundredth time.

For the first time in months, I sat and uncontrollably sobbed. My strength was gone. I tried to explain to hubs how incredibly sad I felt but I couldn't put it into words. I knew that was our last ditch effort and there was this overwhelming sense of incompetence I felt as a women, as a wife. Having a baby was the one thing that only I could bring to our marriage and I had failed. 

That weekend I had plans to do a 5K with a group of girlfriends.


I felt a little crampy at the race and blamed it on my cycle. The weekend came and went, but my cycle hadn't started. By Tuesday, my girlfriends were begging me to take another pregnancy test. I refused to spend more money. I was done. I had come to peace with my final single pink line and we were only 3 weeks away from finishing up our adoption classes.
I needed to move on... I didn't need another pregnancy test.

Wednesday morning, my bestie asked me to come by her classroom before the morning bell. She had bought me a test and was going to make me use it whether I wanted to or not. I rolled my eyes at her and very matter of fact like, informed her that this was a waste of time. I indulged her anyway.

This time... there was a super faint second line.
We Googled it.

I was pregnant.

3 comments

  1. Yea! I have been waiting to read this update! I'm so excited for you. Tell me is there going to be a part 4? What is going on right now? How are you feeling? You have been through a lot. I really look forward to following you.
    Patty
    Second In Line

    ReplyDelete
  2. Do not leave me like this! I am so incredibly happy for you. I need more :)
    Tania
    My Second Sense

    ReplyDelete

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